Monday, January 3, 2011

Someone at church was talking about the concept of considering how wise each decision is before we make it. I could identify with this since I've been thinking a lot about this idea anyway. For much of my life I made decisions based on what I could talk myself into, which was pretty much anything. I think we're all the same in that regard. We can make any bad idea seem like a good one if we want it enough. If we look deep inside ourselves...deep within what we know of God, and deep within our current library of intelligence, we can make far better and less self-destructive decisions.

One of my friends asked me yesterday if I'd be doing any online dating now that my divorce is going through, and I answered with an emphatic no. The lie here was that I'm not quite as emphatic as I seemed. I know in my heart that it's not the right decision for me (and me alone) to meet men through online dating. My immature self hates being single to the point I've made some terrible decisions in men. My immature self thinks it's ok to take God's plan for my life into my own hands. I have to constantly grapple with the idea that my marital status is an incredibly minor factor in my happiness. My point in being alive is to worship Christ...nothing more, and if my focus shifts off of that for one second, I'm toast...well almost toast. My happiness takes a quick and nasty nosedive.

So I come back to doing the wise thing...making choices that will without a doubt make my life, and Lydia's life better, without having to coerce myself into believing I'm doing the right thing. It might be about dating. It might be about the food I put in my mouth. It might be about how I spend my time. I'm determined to make 2011 better on this one concept alone. It's not a resolution. It's just a change in mentality.

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