I took a moment to write down some things as I thought them, and they may or may not make sense to you. I didn't feel like sprucing up my thoughts this time.
I Am A MESS!!!!!!
BUT I am loved beyond measure.
I missed a traffic court date twice. And..... even though I fixed the minor problem I was pulled over for in the first place, the judge won't understand.
But God understands.
I'm not afraid because perfect love casts out fear,
And I know perfect Love. A judge does not love me.
I Am DISORGANIZED!!!!
I miss appointments quite often.
Yet I am accepted unconditionally.
You might get MAD because I'm chronically late
But Patience Giver does not get mad at my lack of organization.
He knows if I thought everything out too much, I wouldn't give. I might not love. That's my theory at least. So while I do my best not to inconvenience anyone, I might screw up.
I have to try harder than you do to remember things. As a nurse I will have to check and re-check charts and notes to make sure I've got it right. I'm aware of this.
This world doesn't judge fairly. The good I do in QUIET DOESN'T MATTER TO THE WORLD. Nor to you. Nor to me really. In fact it probably doesn't impress God all that much either. But I obey His commandment to love...usually. Giving doesn't always seem rational, and the organized might say it's a bad idea for this reason or that reason.
many have complained about this "airheaded" side of me. THEY DON'T GET ME they say. some though have laughingly accepted it, like my dear friend Connie. Some have adapted like my daughter, who keeps track of stuff for her mom. I'm learning whether I have approval on who I am or not, it's ok. The only way to arrive at that freedom is to live "vertically"...for God only. I'm here on this earth to love you...I'm not here for your approval.