Friday, October 1, 2010

Today marks the beginning of the month of change at my workplace. We've known for weeks now that October will not be a good month for some people. I've avoided writing about it since I know I must choose my words carefully here. The bottom line is that many employees will be let go.

Every position has been reviewed. Recommendations have been made. It only makes sense that my position is one of the more vulnerable ones, which is probably true of every non-clinical job here. Of all the feelings I've had over the past few weeks, fear has not, surprisingly, been one of them. I'm a single mom. I don't have a million dollars. My beloved Jeep has 192,000 miles on it. I have no family anywhere in this state to help me. Lydia and I both have medical needs that require health insurance. I should be frantic. I should be beating down the doors of every employer in town. I should be gossiping and speculating and letting resentment towards my current employer simmer in my heart. I would be doing all these things except for what these 35 years on earth have taught me.
  1. Fear, anxiety, and resentment are exhausting.
  2. The men and women who feel they're making these all important decisions that will impact so many lives are not really controlling anything. God is controlling things and he had it all planned out centuries ago.
  3. If God is in control, then the 100 or so people who get moved at once are among a community of the blessed that God has something better for. The "better" might not be immediate but it's coming.
  4. If I had the resources I would get everyone together who was let go and hold a giant party and worship service. I was happy to hear that one of my friends is planning a party for me if I get let go, or a party for me if I don't. This perfectly demonstrates my own life philosophy. God is good in everything.
I'm sure there are people younger than me reading this blog and I wish I knew in my 20's what I know now. My desire for you is that you can hold onto the unshakeable one when you're going through a dark valley. I hope you can take his hand and run through the blackness without any fear of tripping or falling. I hope when your life is flipped upside down you can accept that you have a wild and fabulous creator who is shouting at you to raise your arms and enjoy this thrill not look take that wonderfully scarey leap into his arms with trust and follow him anywhere.

Alanis Morissette had a less spiritual yet still very true way of saying it:

Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

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