Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Over the past two or three difficult years I've gradually let myself become someone I'm not. I look at myself, and in a lot of ways don't like what I see. This doesn't scare me or make me hate myself. I just don't like it. I'm at the place now where I'm wondering how exactly I find myself again. As far as I can tell, I have three options. First option is... I could gradually begin to work on those areas where I've changed. I could remind myself constantly of who I am and what I'm not. In order to do this I'd have to think about myself an awful lot, which doesn't sit well with me. Second option is...I could spend time praying that God would just heal the areas where I've been hurt or scarred. This isn't a bad idea, but I know that healing and change don't really happen without some sort of effort so it seems a little too easy. Third option is that I could forget about myself. I could lose myself in helping other people or get wrapped up in things that bring me joy. That would be life a la Rich Mullins (I sincerely apologize for another RM reference but the man was full of great ideas).

There is a fourth option though, and that would be shoe therapy. I don't have enough shoes and the merits of a closet full of shoes in all the colors of the rainbow are indisputable. Like these $448 Wrapped Stole shoes from Anthropologie.
or these Carved Celadon heels also by Anthro that I've blogged about before.
or these Bettye Muller espadrilles that are a bestseller at
Wait. I've gotten off track though. I'm just kidding about the shoe therapy of course, and I know there's no secret answer to feeling happier. If anything, healing probably comes from all of the things I mentioned. I appreciate this blog and the opportunity to share my feelings with some people whom I care about. While I make no apologies for being honest about where I'm at, I hope it's not a drag to read.


Gail and Keith said...

Oh! Another shoe freak! You must peer into the closet of the B. ladies, especially K's. There is nothing like a pair of stunning shoes to make a gal feel put together. G

Lydia Anne said...

i loooove you:)