Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I can't get it together. I just can't. I've tried my hardest not to be messy, to remember my vitamins, to not lose my keys (or ID or bank card or my shoes), to be on time, to remember every appointment, and this list goes on and on. So, this is an open invitation to drop by my house anytime, but only if you're cool with dogs that chew up anything they can get their paws on and the remnants they leave behind. You can sit awhile if you'll move the laundry pile off the rocking chair. You can even help me hunt down my missing shoe if you're so inclined.

So, to all the websites that teach messies to be neat, the late to be on-time, and the lazy cook to prepare Boeuf bourguignon I say give it a rest and let us quit pretending to be perfect. As proof that I'm over it, here's a list of bumbles and and embarrasing moments that I can immediately recall.
  • I once used my boss's office to pump breast milk when Lydia was a baby. He was out at a meeting. I had to get up mid-milking and use the restroom so I left the pump and half filled bottle sitting on his couch and pulled his door shut behind me. When I went to go back in, I realized I had locked myself out. Sorry Mr. W.G. Mills.
  • I routinely start to leave the grocery store only to hear "ma'am you forgot your groceries!"
  • I recently threw away my driver's license in a Walmart bag.
  • I once managed to knock an entire rack of coffee beans off a shelf in the bagel shop I worked at. I'm not sure how it happened since they were attached to the wall, but coffee beans went everywhere.
  • I had a boyfriend break up with me because he was tired of my forgetfulness.
  • My brief stint as a bank teller ended in disaster because I lost so much money and the head teller thought I'd been huffing hairspray. For a long time I felt like a failure until I realized I don't care if I'm good at being a bank teller.
  • A few years ago I drove to work in my bare feet and realized I had no shoes.
  • I always leave my doggie bag sitting on the table at restaurants when I leave. I feel bad about this since the waitstaff had gone to the trouble to bag it up.

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