So, to all the websites that teach messies to be neat, the late to be on-time, and the lazy cook to prepare Boeuf bourguignon I say give it a rest and let us quit pretending to be perfect. As proof that I'm over it, here's a list of bumbles and and embarrasing moments that I can immediately recall.
- I once used my boss's office to pump breast milk when Lydia was a baby. He was out at a meeting. I had to get up mid-milking and use the restroom so I left the pump and half filled bottle sitting on his couch and pulled his door shut behind me. When I went to go back in, I realized I had locked myself out. Sorry Mr. W.G. Mills.
- I routinely start to leave the grocery store only to hear "ma'am you forgot your groceries!"
- I recently threw away my driver's license in a Walmart bag.
- I once managed to knock an entire rack of coffee beans off a shelf in the bagel shop I worked at. I'm not sure how it happened since they were attached to the wall, but coffee beans went everywhere.
- I had a boyfriend break up with me because he was tired of my forgetfulness.
- My brief stint as a bank teller ended in disaster because I lost so much money and the head teller thought I'd been huffing hairspray. For a long time I felt like a failure until I realized I don't care if I'm good at being a bank teller.
- A few years ago I drove to work in my bare feet and realized I had no shoes.
- I always leave my doggie bag sitting on the table at restaurants when I leave. I feel bad about this since the waitstaff had gone to the trouble to bag it up.